Chem Humour

A proton, neutron, and electron went out to dinner one night.  After a luxurious meal, the waiter brought the check to the proton and the electron.  The neutron was perplexed as to why the waiter didn't bring him his check.  So, he summoned the waiter to the table and asked him about it.

The waiter explained to the neutron, "For you, there's no charge!"

- On atomic structure

A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever I see you," said the ice. 

The Bunsen burner replied,"It's just a phase you're going through".

- On phase changes

The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The optimist sees the glass half full. 
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"? 
A: H2O.

Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? 
A: HeHe

Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

- On Ionisation